c u r m u d g e o n

December 8, 2001

I'm such the IKEA ho that I broke down and subscribed to their magazine, Space. Apparently I was the only one who enjoyed the anemically thin interior magazine as in its death throes, IKEA stores nationwide tried giving away issues with purchase. Then without purchase. Then for just looking at the store along I-80. Sad, yes, but then how does its UK version, Room, stay afloat? More to the point, how can I get a copy??

All's not lost, however. Enclosed with my letter announcing Space's demise sits a check for $3.33 (the balance of my $10 subscription) AND a $10 IKEA coupon. Best of all, I don't have to spend $50 first to redeem it, unlike their other "coupons". Woot!

Which is all fine and dandy till we get to my Gripe of the Week. I think Discount Camera on Market and Kearny played my ass like a fiddle (I know, I know, with a name like "Discount Camera"...) An exterior screw mysteriously vanished rendering the shutter kaput. So I go in and they're like, sure we can help you. They find me a new screw and I jokingly ask, how much do I owe you, thinking it'll be like fifty cents or a buck. And he's like, that'll be $12.95!! Are you fucking kidding me? With tax it came out to $14.02 and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it cause I was desperate and needed that camera fixed pretty bad. So live and learn. The $13.33 from IKEA almost cancels it out. Almost. I'm still waiting for the "SUCKER" stamp to fade from my forehead.

posted by Fender Bender at 11:56 PM

December 7, 2001

It really does make more sense now! Thanks, Lan! And hi Wahine! Leeches, huh? Naaasty.

posted by Fender Bender at 11:46 AM

2:00 a.m. on the only night I have to wake up early, and in walks the Bad Roommate with company in tow, clunking around back and forth along our squeaky floor, screaming incoherent messages, pots and pans banging every two minutes, eventually fogging the entire house (my room included) with the smell of burnt chicken. G-R-O-S-S. I know personally, I'm a late-nighter, but I couldn't be this bad, could I? Maybe it's payback.

So will wonders never cease. The one that's yelling all night, "I got a videotape something something fucking..." is none other than d0ze. But since I've sworn to hate all associated with B.R., I'll have to hate my idol, too. If only for today.

posted by Fender Bender at 10:35 AM

This site is pathetically ugly. I possess zero design skills and frankly am too lazy to learn. Something about the three-column look sounded good at first, but now it's just a mind-numbing bore. This is what I get for looking at other people's sites that be prettier than mine.

posted by Fender Bender at 12:23 AM

December 6, 2001

Forget the Rolleicord, I have a new materialistic obsession. Ever since Scout's Modo went belly up, I've pined for a truly stylish wireless device. Why? Just because.

posted by Fender Bender at 2:21 AM

Okay, so I was wrong. Next week is Amazing Race's finale! Oops. It was fun hanging out with Lan, Jason, and Ed anyway, though. Random topic of the night: incriminating nude photos of certain high-profile bloggers posted in semi-secret URLs apparently without consent. I can't say who it is, but I can say they were really cute, quite lovely and very naked-like. Any guesses? All of you probably know who it is, anyway.

And joy of all joys! After stressing to find Empress' teriyaki chicken recipe, it just came to me on the BART. It is THE recipe for good ass salty-sweet-tender-glazed chicken. Well, I like it anyway. To wit:

- 2 lbs. chicken legs, skins removed (use a paper towel to get a grip)
- 1/4 cup sugar
- 3/4 cup soy sauce
- 5 cloves garlic, smashed
- 1 fat finger of ginger, grated
- 2 T sesame seed oil
- 3 green onions, sliced
- Sesame seeds

Throw skinned legs into a pot and drizzle vegetable oil over the meat. Work it with your hands. It's oddly arousing unless the chicken just came from the fridge in which case it's just plain cold. Mix the sugar, soy sauce, garlic, ginger, and sesame seed oil in a bowl. Taste it to make sure it's not too salty. Dump the liquid over the chicken, bring to a boil, then turn the stove down and simmer over medium heat for 20-25 minutes, depending on how tender you like your bird. Stir the chicken gently to coat with the sauce. It should turn thick, like a glaze. Sprinkle with green onions and sesame seeds and serve over hot rice.

Lan recommends corn. Corn with salt. Mmmmm! Good choice, mon frere! Cooking is life, man.

posted by Fender Bender at 1:30 AM

December 5, 2001

In a wicked yet ultimately serendipitous turn of events, I'm off to Lan's house for a night of chicken teriyaki and Amazing Race. For those of you still flittering away with Survivor, stop wasting your time! It's so boring now! Amazing Race is the in thing, trust me. Tonight is the final episode, and it'll be either the Gays or the Jocks or the Blacks claiming victory. I ask you, how American is that? Focus groups work, people.

I love hanging out with Lan and Jason. In particular, I love how quickly our coversations dissolve into the lowest common denominator (i.e. farts, boobs, and poo). I never laugh as hard as when I'm with them.

posted by Fender Bender at 4:58 PM

rewind, yo.