c u r m u d g e o n

September 22, 2001

still reeling from last night's APAture gallery reception. david's pictures are amazing. i'm in there somewhere. go on, guess! the odds of me putting up pics of myself is still quite low, so curious people, this is your chance.

we took pictures, too. i think i've found something in this photography rigamarole. it seems to be the perfect extension of my inherent (and unintentionally creepy) tendency to stare. the camera -- how do i say this -- legitimizes my overwhelming voyeuristic nature and turns it into something positive. does this at all make sense? probably not. just humor me.

and speaking of photos, in a stroke of odd luck i won not one, but TWO lomos on eBay! i forgot i bid on a second one and inadvertently completed the auction. so wow. two used lomos for less than the price of a new one. i'm giving it to nancy so she and i and lan can have lomo parties together. boop boop bee doop! will this all be a passing fad? possibly. my attention span is notoriously short. how sad.

posted by Fender Bender at 5:41 PM

September 21, 2001

aw shit.

posted by Fender Bender at 2:51 AM

my dad would always tells me, someday, you'll feel differently about war. both he and my mom grew up during world war II, and both saw firsthand its nation-building effects here at home. during his college yeas, ROTC was standard for Cal students, and he joined the national guard after graduation. to this day he remains humble and quiet about it, but i can sense quite proud.

in fits of youthful idealism and arrogance, though, i'd shake my head and say in my most adult-like voice, "i'll never join the army. i'll never kill anybody in the name of this country. i'd run away to canada."

"there will be a day," he'd reply, "when you might just change your mind. i'm not saying definitely, but you might." he'd bring up pearl harbor, then extol the virtues of loyalty, security, and safety for family and country, optimistically reminding me not everyone gets sent to the battlefield.

september 11, 2001, was not the day that changed my mind. war -- the concept, its implementation, the lives irrevocably destroyed because of it -- is man's ultimate disregard for life itself, the very life it proclaims to save and keep safe. how can any person say they stand for democracy and freedom and right to life when they are so willing to take it away from someone else? how can one country justify killing thousands -- and by the end of this war, tens of thousands -- in the name of its own preservation, then give a standing ovation?

tonight's speech by president bush firmly places america as the world's foremost terrorist, a title countless countries already know too well. in my lifetime, america will remain a superpower, but sometimes a superpower is super because of its ability to rise above the overwhelming desire to fight, kill, and maim, displaying honor and strength with tolerance and civility. that to me is true greatness.

there's nothing i can say that hasn't been said more succinctly, more articulately, somewhere else. in particular, Shared Voice.org and artfromtheheart1.tripod.com, created by my friend christine. support them if you truly support freedom and happiness in our world.

posted by Fender Bender at 2:28 AM

September 18, 2001

so what's new? not much, really. i finally left my job at pns to pursue other things. right now, it's an internship at sf station, but i'm hoping -- nay, praying -- for a steady journalism job. this one's not too bad, though. i scout san francisco neighborhoods for hidden-yet-hip independent stores, cafes, and events, then write about them. the writing part is fine, it's the walking that's a bitch. san francisco is tiny? bullshit. it's HUGE when you're on foot, and i swear there are more streets and alleyways than were here last year. then again, last year i wasn't running my dumb ass all over town looking for the next big cafe. so yeah, that's what i'm doing right now. the nice thing about it is i get to meet a town all over again. whaddaya want to know about the castro? i got it all right here, partner.

in other news, i'm taking photography lessons from the inimitable rick rocamora. this week's lesson: f-stop 5.6, asa 100, automatic shutter speed, lots of light, anticipate emotion. prime example of why you should carry your gear with you at all times even though it's really heavy: coming out of the montgomery street station today, i saw a crazed homeless man with a balding, filthy, yet tame black bird sitting on his shoulder. this was no parakeet. this was some pigeon-sized raven-looking bird that never blinked. it just stared at frightened BART riders on their way home. then, as if god himself was trying to say, next time remember the camera, a second homeless guy walks by with a live chicken on his shoulder. i was waiting for alfred hitchcock to jump out and say, "cut!" unreal sights and sounds in the city today.

which brings us to the subject of my present materialistic fascination: the lomo kompakt automat. lomo is this small 35mm camera from russia that apparently has this huge global cult following. it's not what i would call high-quality, and for $150 i'm sure i could get a far more technically advanced camera, but the colors it produces! oh my god! super-saturated blues, reds, and yellows, and all from dirt cheap supermarket film. there's this whole nonsense of a "lomographic society" which is nothing but a marketing scheme from some viennese lads who have nothing to do with the actual lomo factory, but the website is cool anyway. check out the "world archive" gallery for some of the most amazing shots. i liked them so much, i put two of them on this page, directly to your left and right. lan has one. i want one, too. just right now, $150 is way too much for a new toy that i'll probably break anyway. frugality blows.

posted by Fender Bender at 12:08 AM

September 17, 2001

in some odd burst of creative energy, i've decided to take another stab at this sad excuse for a website. total elapsed time from demolition to rebirth: 3 hours. actually, it's more like 2 months, but let's not get picky here. please note nothing works yet. not links, nothing. i'll save that for tomorrow night.

so i really don't know what else to say. oh god, that's why i stopped doing this thing the last time...

posted by Fender Bender at 4:08 AM

rewind, yo.